hakomi.com

Beyond Character Theory: The New Hakomi

There has been an ongoing evolution in the way Hakomi is taught and practiced … a movement away from the traditional Western medical model of diagnosis and treatment and toward a therapeutic way of supporting the unfolding of conscious awareness in healthy individuals.

When someone who is willing to take a look at how he or she is unconsciously and habitually reacting to others and to life, how experience is being automatically organized according to old assumptions and attitudes, Hakomi is a skillful and effective way of assisting in this journey of discovery. Along the way to more conscious awareness there is often an emotional healing process that takes place.

Emotions triggered within a state of mindful awareness sometimes reveal a story of unnecessary suffering, of old hurts or unfinished business, of unknown barriers to certain kinds of nourishing experiences. When this is witnessed and supported by someone trained in this more recent version of Hakomi, it becomes possible to find comfort and new meaning around painful experiences, to initiate an end to unnecessary suffering, and to find new sources of nourishment in life. This is Hakomi as assisted self-discovery.

This version of Hakomi is as useful to psychotherapists as ever. It can be integrated with a variety of psychotherapy or body therapy methods and provides the context, as always, for the kind of therapeutic relationship on which any therapy that proves effective is founded. The method consists of simple experiments done in mindfulness in order to reveal some of the habits and beliefs that organize experience and that create unnecessary suffering. There are a number of skill sets that contribute to helping the method work successfully, including skills around managing states of mind, paying attention, creating hypotheses, creating and doing experiments, responding appropriately, and managing the process effectively. Research has shown the importance of the personhood of the “therapist” and the quality of the therapy “alliance” . These factors are important in any kind of creative relationship and both include and transcend the context of psychotherapy.

For this reason, this new approach to Hakomi is no longer described as a method of psychotherapy but rather as a method of mindfulness-based assisted self-discovery and the term “therapist” is now replaced by the word “practitioner”. (It may be that the method needs to be called simply this — “mindfulness-based assisted self-discovery”  (MBASD) especially  when used by someone not licensed to practice psychotherapy.)

Shifting the focus away from the limitations, associations and connotations of traditional “psychotherapy” has become an important characteristic of the new Hakomi way. One significant change is in how we see the role of the practitioner. The shift is away from the helper (therapist or practitioner) as expert… as the one who knows. Instead of expertise as such, we want the helper to be skilful. The need to know psychology or pathology or symptomology or character systems or body language or anatomy is not necessary for this approach. Sometimes that kind of knowledge is useful and sometimes it can actually get in the way of the discovery process.

The more the helper tries to figure out, or tries to label what is going on, the less likely he or she will be to stay curious and unattached to theories, and to have a truly experimental attitude. Preconceived ideas cannot help but create a filter that obscures, making it hard to see what is really going on. So we want to move away from entering the process with the mindset that, as the helper, we should be able to predict what the client needs to discover or needs to change or needs to have happen. We want to maintain a true spirit of collaboration, which is not possible within a hierarchy where the helper is some kind of expert who knows something the client doesn’t know. This is not the spirit of loving presence on which our alliance with the client is built.

Within the state of mind of “loving presence” is a Zen kind of “beginner’s mind”. For this reason, our training approach avoids teaching anything that could be misinterpreted as diagnosis or analysis or the need to know anything before assisting someone on their journey of discovery.

A change that is an example of this philosophical shift is the replacement of what we call “indicators” for the old character theory which was based on a version of diagnosis and implied treatment approaches. As the foundation for this systematic way of looking at someone’s style, any attempts to avoid pathologizing were doomed to simply cover up the view that there was something wrong that needed fixing or correcting. This is the fundamental idea of the Western medical model, and it is a necessary model for certain areas of health and illness. It may even be a necessary model for some areas of “mental illness”. But as a model for working with functioning individuals who simply want to be more conscious, less reactive, more emotionally well, and have healthier relationships, that corrective model simply colludes with and reinforces a fundamental delusion… the idea that “there is something wrong with me”. As long as therapy holds onto that idea, there is no escape from the unnecessary suffering which that idea inevitably causes. There is no possibility, in that model, of the kind of freedom that conscious loving is based on.

Even the word “therapy” can imply some kind of corrective healing. And for most healthy people, that is not the best approach to helping them find happiness and freedom from unnecessary suffering.

So, this new approach is really not confined to the constraints of the traditional “psychotherapy” model. It is more accurately a journey of assisted discovery. Much of the original Hakomi method is still used… mindfulness, experiments, tracking and contact, probes and taking over, managing states of mind, jumping out of systems, integration and comfort. But the whole paradigm is more clearly now one of assisting someone who is on a journey of discovery, of consciousness. This is applied mindfulness. It is relevant for anyone who is willing to look at themselves and to change limiting beliefs and habits. This approach is applicable in any number of interpersonal settings. And it has nothing to do with correcting, fixing, or “should-ing”. It is discovery and freedom.

This shift has been hinted at all along in the method… the intention to have a “healing relationship”… not trying to make anything happen, to notice, contact, and support whatever is happening and what wants to happen… It was hinted at in the style Ron has always modeled, of playfulness and tenderness and respectfulness, of spaciousness and humor and patience, of calmness and curiosity, of a willingness to allow and to follow… a style that arises from the state of mind that has come to be recognized as loving presence, and as the spirit of Hakomi.

This style of Ron’s has informed the spirit of the method all along and has inevitably moved the method steadily away from any hint of the medical model, including traditional psychotherapy, to become the approach it is now… mindfulness-based assisted self discovery.

This approach has its own challenges. It doesn’t offer the security of the old therapist role, or of learning formulae or labels such as character types. It requires that the helper be comfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing, with not controlling, with going with whatever arises, with not being able to predict or explain, with being surprised, with learning something new each time he or she joins with someone in this process. It requires a lot of skilful attention and creative responding.  It rests on real faith in the organicity principle and the innate healing power of the client.

When we are invited to be someone’s companion and assistant on their path of self discovery, we let them know that our role is to be a kind of witness… loving and appreciative, interested and curious, and attentive both to the experience they are having and to the unconscious ways they seem to be organizing their experience. We want to offer them the benefit of our witnessing, which is to be outside their own awareness and noticing something on which to base the kind of experiment which will support the discoveries they want to make.

We want to be skilful about noticing these things which might be outside the person’s awareness and contributing to the kinds of experience they are having. So, leaving behind the security of the old character system, with its implication of pathology (even with the cover-up of terms like sensitive/analytic), we now watch for what we call indicators.

The kind of observable behaviours that form the basis of really useful experiments might have to do with posture, gestures, facial expressions, speech patterns, eye movements, tones of voice, breathing habits, tension patterns, and the like. We want to notice the difference between behaviours and signals that are momentary, that tell us something about the person’s present experience, and those that are consistent or repetitive, that are a recognizable part of the person’s style. As such they suggest as much about the person’s strengths, inner resources, and about what they value, as about unconscious attitudes or beliefs and old hurts or fears. These are what we call “indicators” and they are the doorways into the depths of the person, their inner worlds and implicit realities, their innermost feelings and needs. They lead, through experimenting in mindfulness, to the discoveries clients can make on their path to freedom.

One tricky area of skillfulness is that of hypothesizing. We want to be able to make some guesses about what we’re observing so we can come up with effective experiments. However we definitely want to avoid thinking we know for sure what any of these indicators mean, so that we can be surprised as much as the client by what is discovered. Any assumptions about the specific meaning of something can influence, in a quantum way, what can be discovered.

The training now focuses on helping students learn to guess in order to differentiate between assumptions about someone and theories. We are all making assumptions about others whenever we interact, most of which are unconscious. Learning to turn assumptions into skillful guesses which can be explored and tested through experiments in mindfulness is one key to being a skillful Hakomi practitioner. It is also a powerful way to begin to change our own perceptions in order to cultivate compassion as a way of relating. We want to see behind someone’s “cover story” and begin to imagine the kinds of experiences he or she might have had that would create this way of acting. This way of seeing opens the heart of compassion, and goes far beyond a psychotherapy context to change the way we view others everywhere in our lives.

We don’t need to know what others’ actual histories were, but we want to recognize the pain and suffering they’ve experienced as it shows up in how they behave now and how they view the world.

As Hakomi practitioners, we want to be able to help someone experience a shift in a habitual way of perceiving or reacting in order to live a truer life, and not just replay an unconscious recreation of what they expect or don’t expect based on their past and on their beliefs.

So for this approach, and this non-expert role of the helper as a companion, there are a number of skills to learn. There also needs to be a willingness to surrender to the spontaneous unfolding of the healing process and to the natural course of things. We use the method to explore ourselves and to shift and open our own attitudes and ways of perceiving and responding.

We use practices such as “I don’t know” (or Groundlessness) to help with letting go of that kind of control. We use Loving Presence practices that remind us to see beauty and inspiration in others and not to look for “what’s wrong”. We use practices that help to develop various guessing, responding, experimenting, and comforting skills. And mainly we practice relating to others in ways that feel safe, appropriate and nourishing for all. What we don’t use are categorizing systems or thinly disguised ways of pathologizing. Which is why we teach indicators instead of character theory.

And it is evolutionary and revolutionary for the Hakomi Method to grow into this wholly new and liberating way of working with others. It’s not psychotherapy or counseling or coaching. It’s not guidance or consulting or anything simple to describe. So the best description for it we have come up with so far is a mouthful: mindfulness-based assisted self-discovery.

Wouldn’t it be lovely just to call it Hakomi and have it set the stage for a whole new way of working with others!

Here’s a little more about the role of the trainer and how he or she can embody the true spirit of the method and teach through modeling:

The spirit of Hakomi -
as demonstrated by the practitioner and modeled by the trainer:

You know your therapist is coming from the spirit of Hakomi when there is what Trungpa called “warmth and wakefulness”, along with a kind of relaxed, patient, calm, compassionate and respectful demeanor. How does the trainer teach the method best? Surely by modeling the method in the training style itself!

The Hakomi trainer, just like the practitioner, pays attention to what wants to happen rather than coming in with an agenda. Just as in a Hakomi therapy session, the trainer trusts that by following the signs of what shows up, the process will go where it needs to go. Leading or directing the process takes it in a controlled way where the trainer imagines it should go… this leading or directing style not only demonstrates a lack of trust in the principle of organicity, but also misses the opportunity to model the Hakomi Method. It does not allow for something unknown and unplanned to inform the learning experience, which is the creative spirit of Hakomi.

Hakomi is a method of discovery. The trainer who is coming from the true spirit of Hakomi is comfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing what will happen, with being creative on the spot, with improvising, with adjusting to what needs to happen, with allowing the learning/healing experience to have its own natural flow and form. Without teaching this way, how can the trainer propose this as a way of doing therapy?

The Hakomi trainer models the teaching that there is always enough time for what is needed, that there is never a need to hurry or make things happen because of working within a certain time frame. The trainer needs to be relaxed and attentive enough to see humor wherever it shows up, to enjoy the time together, to feel as much the recipient as the giver, to appreciate everything that occurs during the time together as an integral part of the whole experience… just as it is in a therapy setting.

The Hakomi trainer must be comfortable with silence, with waiting to see where the students/client goes next… with having spaces for simple togetherness… with seeing every moment as an opportunity for the relational experience that offers the true healing. Humor, patience, spaciousness, no hurry, comfortable with not knowing where it is going, at ease with whatever shows up, trusting, perceptive, inclusive, going with the flow of the process, non-directive, creating a space that feels safe… these are some of the qualities of the trainer who is modeling both the method and the spirit of Hakomi.

When someone wants to be a good therapist, the starting place is being able to be a good client… able to be vulnerable, curious, willing to look within… So, too, when someone aspires to be a Hakomi trainer, the foundation is to be a learner… constantly learning and opening to new ways, to new perspectives, to feedback about performance, to suggestions and models that offer newness and creativity to the whole experience of learning.

Here is a passage from Buddha by Karen Armstrong, the Buddha, edited by Tom Morgan (page 52)…

The Buddha was always quite clear that his Dhamma could not be understood by rational thinking alone. It only revealed its true significance when it was apprehended “directly”, according to yogic methods, and in the right ethical context. The Four Noble Truths do make logical sense, but they do not become compelling until an aspirant has learned to identify with them at a profound level and has integrated them with his own life. Then and only then will he experience the “exultation”, “joy”, and “serenity” which, according to the Pali texts, come to us when we divest ourselves of egotism, liberate ourselves from the prison of self-centeredness, and see the Truths “as they really are”. Without the meditation and morality prescribed by the Buddha, the Truths remain as abstract as a musical score, which for most of us cannot reveal its true beauty on the page but needs to be orchestrated and interpreted by a skilled performer.

So it is with Hakomi. The skillful practice and teaching of this method requires being congruent and fluent with the principles and spirit of the method. The trainer needs to have integrated this way of being into his or her life: mindfulness, trust in organicity, curiosity, attention, an experimental attitude, self-awareness, mind-body integration, wisdom and compassion, presence, and the ability to be at one with another and with the situation… these are the fundamentals of the spirit of this method, whether practiced one-to-one or in a group setting, whether assisting someone on their personal journey of self-discovery or assisting students in their learning of the method.

As Richard Bach wrote in his book Illusions:

Learning is finding out what you already know; doing is demonstrating that you know it; and teaching is helping someone else discover that they know just as well as you.